Deborah Ross Ministries - Christian Women's Speaker

Encouragement

A Healthy Marriage

Friday, March 25, 2011 • Deborah Ross • Marriage - Advice
Learn practical and spiritual steps to having a healthy marriage. For men & Women.
   

A Healthly Marriage

My prayer for your marriage is that the following things will become REAL as you study God's Word and press in to have a life-long marriage of joy, peace, intimacy and friendship with your spouse.


POINTS TO PONDER FOR A HEALTHY MARRIAGE...

1) A God centered marriage is made up of 3 - God, Man, Woman - Diagram: Draw a triangle and put God at the top! Write your name on one corner and your spouses name on the other corner. As you both look up to Christ and put God FIRST in all things... your marriage will be blessed!

2) God is "for" your marriage! It "is" His will that you and your spouse love each other until "death do you part". He is on your side in difficult times!

3) You must be INTENTIONAL about keeping a marriage that is ALIVE and THRIVING!

4) FORGIVENESS is a commandment... not a suggestion!

5) Always pray: Lord change ME! Get out of a self-centered approach to Christianity and into a Christ-centered life-style that is willing to lay down all agenda's for the sake of your family. As YOU become more like Jesus, your behavior WILL affect the behavior of your spouse. LOVE NEVER FAILS!

6) Always speak (and seek) the TRUTH in LOVE. Take the masks off. Don't avoid issues. Live in truth yourself... and set a godly example for your spouse.

7) Be willing to leave and cleave by breaking generational curses and by pulling down strong holds that will sneak in to destroy a good marriage over the course of a life-time.

8) Men: Love your wife as Christ loves the church AND gave His life for her.
Some ways to lavish your love on your wife:
*LISTENING TO HER
*GIVING HER GIFTS AND/OR EXTRA MONEY FROM TIME TO TIME TO SPEND ON HERSELF FOR BEAUTY TREATMENTS & TAPESTRY OF SILK AND PURPLE (nice clothing)
*TAKING YOUR TIME IN LOVE MAKING - WOMEN ARE LIKE CROCK POTS... SLOW TO WARM UP
*ROMANCE GOES A LONG WAY - TAKE YOUR WIFE ON A DATE AT LEAST ONCE PER WEEK
*BECOME THE HEAD OF THE HOUSEHOLD UNDER CHRIST JESUS - DON'T BE A BOY - BE A MAN!!!
*GIVE HER SECURITY IN ALL THINGS - FROM FINANCES... TO PROTECTION... TO THE BEDROOM - SHE NEEDS TO FEEL SAFE WITH YOU
*ALWAYS FLEE THE APPEARANCE OF EVIL - PORNOGRAPHY, ALCOHOL & DRUGS, ETC. WILL KILL YOUR MARRIAGE - INTENTIONALLY AVOID THESE THINGS
*TAKE AN INTEREST IN THE HOME (Honey-Do)
*PRAY OUT LOUD WITH YOUR WIFE
* PUT YOUR WIFE AND CHILDREN ABOVE YOUR BUDDIES AND YOUR SPORTING EVENTS

9) Women: Submit to your OWN husband.
Some ways to lavish your love on your husband:
*GIVING HIM SPACE TO MAKE MISTAKES
*HONORING HIM AS HEAD OF THE HOUSEHOLD... EVEN IF HE IS NOT SURE OF HIS POSITION, YET
*DON'T WITHHOLD LOVE MAKING FROM YOUR HUSBAND
*DON'T BELITTLE YOUR HUSBAND
*BE HIS HELP MATE - HELP HIM TO BE SUCCESSFUL IN HIS CAREER AND REPUTATION IN THE COMMUNITY
*PRAY DEUT. 28 OVER YOUR HUSBAND
*COOK & CLEAN WITH JOY
*USE PLEASANT WORDS AND PLEASANT TONES WITH YOUR HUSBAND
*BE BEAUTIFUL INSIDE AND OUT - PRACTICE BEING BEAUTIFUL FOR YOUR HUSBAND
*LEARN TO ENJOY SOME ACTIVITIES THAT YOUR HUSBAND ENJOYS
*STOP WISHING YOUR HUSBAND WAS LIKE SOMEONE ELSE - INSTEAD, PRAY THAT GOD HELPS YOU TO DIG OUT THE TREASURE FROM WITHIN YOUR HUSBAND'S SOUL
*LOOK AFTER YOUR HOUSEHOLD WITH PRAYER AND WISDOM
*DON'T ALLOW YOUR CHILDREN TO COME BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND
*DO NOT BE A NAG! BE A PRAYER WARRIOR, INSTEAD!

10) Remember - WORDS are powerful!!! Make sure you don't destroy your marriage (or your children) with hurtful words or a demeaning tone.

11) Take up your cross and follow Christ.
Every trial is an opportunity for a miracle! Every burden is an opportunity for YOU to grow in Christ!

12) THE GRASS IS NOT ALWAYS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE HILL!!! IT HAS TO BE MOWED, TOO!
Stop fantasizing about being married to someone else. Make YOUR marriage work!!!

13) READ YOUR BIBLE - Don't depend solely on the preacher. Don't get all of your spiritual reading from devotionals that someone else has written. Read the pure Word of God and let the Holy Spirit speak directly to you.

14) Cultivate your FAITH.
Faith in God's Word pleases Him. He loves you and He wants to do you good and not evil. Trust Him. (Perfect love cast out all fear.)

15) Believe it or not, in a broken marriage it only takes ONE to bring about healing. If one person in the relationship is willing to live out Christ before their mate and endure hardship for a season (could be years), God can soften the other person's heart and draw them to Himself. I am a living example of ONE PERSON working to have a whole marriage in Christ Jesus.

Read my book, Healing a Broken Marriage, to hear my full story and see how God can save your marriage... if you only believe and trust Him in all things.

16) First and foremost, make sure that YOU and your SPOUSE are born-again, spirit-filled believer's in Christ Jesus. If you have ANY doubt about the salvation of your spouse, this is the first place to begin your prayer for them.

17) The "D" word does not exist. God hates divorce. Don't think about it. Don't let it be an option.


18) Unfortunately, many of you reading this blog post have been married before. Be sure to repent of all wrong doing from your first marriage (stop blaming the other person) and ask God to forgive you for your previous divorce. Purge ALL bitterness. Remember, God sees the heart so you can't fake forgiveness. Cry out to Him daily until you have truly forgiven.

Once you have come clean with God, trust him to give you blessings abundantly in the marriage you now have. The gospel is not a message of condemnation, but a message of TRUTH. God wants us to live in truth and to be free from the torment of sin.

Also, be sensitive to any children you may have who were left victims of divorce from your previous marriage. No matter their age, it is often very difficult for them to heal from the effects of a broken home. God would have you to be honest, transparent and sympathetic to their struggles in dealing with their own pain. Plus, some issues won't surface for many years. It could take a life time to bring healing in their life so be patient and don't give up on them. They need you!

BELOW: From Family Fortress Ministries... familyfortress.org  

(O) Divorce and Remarriage.


Divorce


We believe that the Bible gives three legitimate reasons for ending a marriage:


1) The first legitimate Biblical allowance for ending marriage is the death of a spouse (1 Corinthians 7:39; Romans 7:2-4).


2) The second legitimate Biblical allowance is fornication (Matthew 19:9) which is inclusive of all other sexual sins covered by the term porneia (fornication): homosexuality, bestiality, prostitution, etc.


3) The third legitimate Biblical allowance is desertion of a believing spouse by an unbelieving spouse (1 Corinthians 7:15). Of course when a believing spouse is deserted by a professing believer, the professing believer (unrepentant) can be disciplined by the church, so that the situation becomes that of a believer divorced by an unbeliever. So in effect any desertion can be, with appropriate church involvement, grounds for divorce. The Christian should not initiate divorcing a non-Christian, but should live graciously with their spouse to quietly represent Christ with an infectious demeanor, kindness, generosity, and service (1 Corinthians 7:15).


Remarriage:


In Scripture, whenever legitimate divorce occurs, freedom to remarry is assumed. When divorce is permitted, so is remarriage. The innocent party of a divorce due to adultery may remarry. Remarriage after one has been betrayed by an adulterous spouse does not constitute adultery. The person marrying a previously married spouse who was the victim of an adulterous person also does not constitute adultery. This is implied but not specifically proscribed in Matthew 19:9.


A believer who remarries after a non-Christian spouse divorces the believing spouse constitutes a legitimate marriage (1 Corinthians 7:15).

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Please keep in mind that God is able to restore a marriage after adultery AND He is able to bring that wayward spouse that left you back home again. God is willing and able to save ALL from sin and to bring ALL into everlasting life.

The question's you must ask yourself are:

Am I willing to wait on the Lord?

Am I willing to forgive?

Divorce is NOT God's will. He only makes a way of escape in certain circumstances in which one person is abandoned or betrayed by adultery.

Pray for reconciliation. Pray for forgiveness. Pray for salvation.

In Christ,

Deborah Ross
deborahrossministries.org

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